I thought Jeff Foxworthy did Southern humor but he seemed to nail this one...
The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy
1. You know the state flower (Mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willame tte.
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,' and 'Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'
17 You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but st ill wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Win ter, w inter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).
30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Men
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ....Chocolate B ars ..... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ....Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
1 1 . Men are like ........Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.
1 2 . Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ....Chocolate B ars ..... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ....Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
1 1 . Men are like ........Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.
1 2 . Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Job.....
I hate my job!!!!
In fact, I do not hate my job but I hate the current company I am working at.
Looking for new job now.
Anyone....please keep me in mind when the job opptornity comes to your mind.
Thank you.
In fact, I do not hate my job but I hate the current company I am working at.
Looking for new job now.
Anyone....please keep me in mind when the job opptornity comes to your mind.
Thank you.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Men's Problem
1. When I was born, I got a choice : A big dick or a good memory.
I am not able to remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence : It is nature's way of saying " No hard feelings "
5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men :" don't " and " stop ", unless they are used together.
6. Panties is not the best thing on earth, but it's next to best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri-weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with The Hole and she was happy with The Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't !
16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
19. Despite the old saying : " Don't take your troubles to bed ", many men still sleep with their wives !!!
I am not able to remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence : It is nature's way of saying " No hard feelings "
5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men :" don't " and " stop ", unless they are used together.
6. Panties is not the best thing on earth, but it's next to best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri-weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with The Hole and she was happy with The Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't !
16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
19. Despite the old saying : " Don't take your troubles to bed ", many men still sleep with their wives !!!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Great Scarifice......this is love!!
A beautiful female sale rep of a big bank went visit a Afican king.
The king is rich and very important customer of the bank.
The king was admire of how beautiful she is so he asked her to marry him. (culture thing, don't ask why).
The sales doesn't want to marry him but cannot reject as well since she wants the business.
So she tried to make the king back off by asking impossible requestments.
She said: I have 3 things to ask you and if you can make it then I will marry you.
First, I want a diamand as big as egg.
The king thought for a while and said : ok. I got it i got it.
Second, I want a house that got 100 rooms in New York and a vocational housewith two swimming pools and two tennis courts in North Africa.
The king thought about it for a while and made a call to his people and said: ok. I will I will.
The sales finally has to put out the worst deal to make the king back off so she said :for the third, my man has to have a 14 inches dick."
The king stoped and then started to cry.
After a long long while, the king said:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok.....i cut i cut.
The king is rich and very important customer of the bank.
The king was admire of how beautiful she is so he asked her to marry him. (culture thing, don't ask why).
The sales doesn't want to marry him but cannot reject as well since she wants the business.
So she tried to make the king back off by asking impossible requestments.
She said: I have 3 things to ask you and if you can make it then I will marry you.
First, I want a diamand as big as egg.
The king thought for a while and said : ok. I got it i got it.
Second, I want a house that got 100 rooms in New York and a vocational housewith two swimming pools and two tennis courts in North Africa.
The king thought about it for a while and made a call to his people and said: ok. I will I will.
The sales finally has to put out the worst deal to make the king back off so she said :for the third, my man has to have a 14 inches dick."
The king stoped and then started to cry.
After a long long while, the king said:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok.....i cut i cut.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Ture Love
Since there are many friends getting married this year I think this email is good to give all of them.
I thought this was cute and wanted to share it with you……
True Love
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry
As he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the best of everything they have.
"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
I thought this was cute and wanted to share it with you……
True Love
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry
As he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the best of everything they have.
"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
Monday, January 21, 2008
First Date
It's your first date, and you cannot think of anything but spending time with your date. The last thing you wouldn't want to do is create a bad impression. First date after all, is all about giving the other person a good impression about one self to make the relation last forever. There are certain things to do on first date that will go a long way to ensure that your relation blossoms into something meaningful. We bring you the most important do's and don'ts on first date. Read these first date do's and don'ts and follow them religiously.
DO's
Be on time. It shows you value your date's time and take him/her seriously.
Give compliments. Make it genuine, but don't go overboard as it may sound fake.
Give a confirmation call before leaving. This is just to make sure that everything is, as scheduled. Let your date know the approximate time when you will be reaching, say half an hour or something. Tell him/her that you are looking forward to meet up.
Show interest in them. Start a decent conversation and get to know their interests, likes and dislikes. It will help when you plan your second date! Laugh when they crack jokes, keep the atmosphere lively and enjoyable.
Be confident. Don't stutter or stammer while talking and try to maintain eye contact. Smile often during the conversation. Keep yourself relaxed yet peppy and enjoy the time spent together.
DONT's
Be late. The last thing you would want your date to do is leave after waiting for you. The concept of arriving fashionably late does not apply here. It shows you are not dependable at all and definitely not worth dating.
Talk on the cell phone or keep meddling with it. It is very rude to talk on phone on a date. It also shows that you are not interested or getting bored on your date. If it is an urgent call, keep it short and tell them that you are busy and will get back to them later.
Be fake. Do not even try to be someone you are not just to make that person fall in love with you. If you do, you will be expected to keep up that standard for the rest of your life.
Get drunk. Of all the things, you wouldn't want to pass out and embarrass your date. Worse, misbehave with the girl in case you lose your senses.
Make wrong advances. You wouldn't want your date to think you are too aggressive or even desperate. There is a difference between harmless flirting and obvious advances and don't take your date for granted.
DO's
Be on time. It shows you value your date's time and take him/her seriously.
Give compliments. Make it genuine, but don't go overboard as it may sound fake.
Give a confirmation call before leaving. This is just to make sure that everything is, as scheduled. Let your date know the approximate time when you will be reaching, say half an hour or something. Tell him/her that you are looking forward to meet up.
Show interest in them. Start a decent conversation and get to know their interests, likes and dislikes. It will help when you plan your second date! Laugh when they crack jokes, keep the atmosphere lively and enjoyable.
Be confident. Don't stutter or stammer while talking and try to maintain eye contact. Smile often during the conversation. Keep yourself relaxed yet peppy and enjoy the time spent together.
DONT's
Be late. The last thing you would want your date to do is leave after waiting for you. The concept of arriving fashionably late does not apply here. It shows you are not dependable at all and definitely not worth dating.
Talk on the cell phone or keep meddling with it. It is very rude to talk on phone on a date. It also shows that you are not interested or getting bored on your date. If it is an urgent call, keep it short and tell them that you are busy and will get back to them later.
Be fake. Do not even try to be someone you are not just to make that person fall in love with you. If you do, you will be expected to keep up that standard for the rest of your life.
Get drunk. Of all the things, you wouldn't want to pass out and embarrass your date. Worse, misbehave with the girl in case you lose your senses.
Make wrong advances. You wouldn't want your date to think you are too aggressive or even desperate. There is a difference between harmless flirting and obvious advances and don't take your date for granted.
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