Hotel Seattle

Pacific Northwest~~

2008-05-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

I thought Jeff Foxworthy did Southern humor but he seemed to nail this one...

The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy

1. You know the state flower (Mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willame tte.
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,' and 'Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'
17 You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but st ill wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Win ter, w inter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).
30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them.

Men

2008-05-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....Chocolate B ars ..... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ..Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

1 1 . Men are like ........Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

1 2 . Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Job.....

2008-02-11T12:41:00.001-08:00

I hate my job!!!!
In fact, I do not hate my job but I hate the current company I am working at.
Looking for new job now.
Anyone....please keep me in mind when the job opptornity comes to your mind.
Thank you.

Men's Problem

2008-01-31T09:27:00.000-08:00

1. When I was born, I got a choice : A big dick or a good memory.
I am not able to remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence : It is nature's way of saying " No hard feelings "

5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men :" don't " and " stop ", unless they are used together.

6. Panties is not the best thing on earth, but it's next to best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri-weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with The Hole and she was happy with The Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't !

16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

19. Despite the old saying : " Don't take your troubles to bed ", many men still sleep with their wives !!!

Great Scarifice......this is love!!

2008-01-25T16:21:00.000-08:00

A beautiful female sale rep of a big bank went visit a Afican king.
The king is rich and very important customer of the bank.
The king was admire of how beautiful she is so he asked her to marry him. (culture thing, don't ask why).
The sales doesn't want to marry him but cannot reject as well since she wants the business.
So she tried to make the king back off by asking impossible requestments.

She said: I have 3 things to ask you and if you can make it then I will marry you.

First, I want a diamand as big as egg.

The king thought for a while and said : ok. I got it i got it.

Second, I want a house that got 100 rooms in New York and a vocational housewith two swimming pools and two tennis courts in North Africa.

The king thought about it for a while and made a call to his people and said: ok. I will I will.

The sales finally has to put out the worst deal to make the king back off so she said :for the third, my man has to have a 14 inches dick."

The king stoped and then started to cry.
After a long long while, the king said:
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ok.....i cut i cut.

Ture Love

2008-01-24T09:28:00.000-08:00

Since there are many friends getting married this year I think this email is good to give all of them.

I thought this was cute and wanted to share it with you……

True Love

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry
As he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the best of everything they have.

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

First Date

2008-01-21T19:28:00.000-08:00

It's your first date, and you cannot think of anything but spending time with your date. The last thing you wouldn't want to do is create a bad impression. First date after all, is all about giving the other person a good impression about one self to make the relation last forever. There are certain things to do on first date that will go a long way to ensure that your relation blossoms into something meaningful. We bring you the most important do's and don'ts on first date. Read these first date do's and don'ts and follow them religiously.

DO's
Be on time. It shows you value your date's time and take him/her seriously.
Give compliments. Make it genuine, but don't go overboard as it may sound fake.
Give a confirmation call before leaving. This is just to make sure that everything is, as scheduled. Let your date know the approximate time when you will be reaching, say half an hour or something. Tell him/her that you are looking forward to meet up.
Show interest in them. Start a decent conversation and get to know their interests, likes and dislikes. It will help when you plan your second date! Laugh when they crack jokes, keep the atmosphere lively and enjoyable.
Be confident. Don't stutter or stammer while talking and try to maintain eye contact. Smile often during the conversation. Keep yourself relaxed yet peppy and enjoy the time spent together.

DONT's
Be late. The last thing you would want your date to do is leave after waiting for you. The concept of arriving fashionably late does not apply here. It shows you are not dependable at all and definitely not worth dating.
Talk on the cell phone or keep meddling with it. It is very rude to talk on phone on a date. It also shows that you are not interested or getting bored on your date. If it is an urgent call, keep it short and tell them that you are busy and will get back to them later.
Be fake. Do not even try to be someone you are not just to make that person fall in love with you. If you do, you will be expected to keep up that standard for the rest of your life.
Get drunk. Of all the things, you wouldn't want to pass out and embarrass your date. Worse, misbehave with the girl in case you lose your senses.
Make wrong advances. You wouldn't want your date to think you are too aggressive or even desperate. There is a difference between harmless flirting and obvious advances and don't take your date for granted.

Cover your shortcoming!!!

2008-01-18T14:10:00.000-08:00

During 1800's sea transpotation is very dangrous mission because of pirates.
There was a very great captain---Red Coat.
He had won so many battles and never lost.

One of his pirates had found that everytime when the battle about to start the captian always ask for his red coat (that's why he called Red Coat).
After so many battles the parite asked the captian

"Captian, why are you always wear the red coat when battle about to start?"
The captian said "By doing so the enemies won't know if I am hurt or not! There will not be blood for them to see! This is a stritage!! we should all try to cover our shortcoming!"

The pirates then understood that their captian is a smart person and they all follow his order.
They had made their sea for so many years.

Untill one day.....they got cornered by over 100 pirates boats.
The captian saw the number and slowly asked his pirates......"go take my Brown Pants to me!!"
And everyone looked at him said "why brown pants and not red coat???"
The captian responsed:
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"so they won't see me shit..............."

Fun Facts........

2008-01-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

Fun facts from Infection Control

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine. �

In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.) �

An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs. In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!

Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Annually you will shake hands with 36 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket. �

At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. �

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases. �

HAVE A GREAT DAY... .and wash your damn hands!

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T13:02:00.000-08:00

Best Wish to all my friends--Happy New Year!!!

Cows and Companies

2007-12-20T11:06:00.000-08:00

Cows and Companies

Traditional company:
You have two cows.
You sold one and get one male to produce more cows and sell those cows and retired.

US company:
You have two cows.
You sold one and make the other one works double time.
When the cow dies you feel so surprised and ask why.

French company:
You have two cows.
You went on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese company:
You have two cows.
You redesign them.
They are 1/10 the size but produce the same amount of milk.
You put it on cartoon name it “Cowkimon” and sell to the world.

German company:
You have two cows.
You engineered it.
It eats twice a year and produce 10 times the milk.
And they can milk themselves.

British company:
You have two cows.
They are all crazy.

Italian company:
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are.
You go on lunch.

Russian company:
You have two cows.
You count them and there are 48 cows.
You recount again and there are 23 cows.
You count the third time and there are 12 cows.
You got frustrated so you open the 3rd bottle of vodka.

Swedish company:
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belongs to you.
You manage others cows and charge them for that.

Chinese company:
You have two cows.
But there are 300 people milking them.
You announce employee rate production is 10 times better than others.
And you arrest the reporters who tell the truth.

Indian company:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

Difference Between Women and Men

2007-12-19T15:31:00.000-08:00

Difference Between Women And Men

1.NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2.EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3.MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4.BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5.ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7.FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8.SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9.MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12.OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY....

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Happy Holiday!!

2007-12-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

Eating Tips for the Holidays.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an 'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert -- Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body.
But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!"

Happy Holidays!

Success

2007-12-10T16:15:00.000-08:00

The COO of Ritz-Carlton--Horst Schulze has said: Success is what you do today, not the goal for future.
I am not happy with my current situation but I guess I will have to hand in here.
Am I a successful person.......I guess I still have long way to go.
Life sucks............!!
I will try to be the one looking at starts.
Man.......I need long vocation.

Airport

2007-11-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

BB is leaving tonite so i will drive her to airport.
Airport seems to be a really weird place.
For different reasons.......it can be different.
My baby is leaving again.....this sucks!!!
Man......

Looking at Star

2007-11-20T13:38:00.001-08:00

Cannot remember who said it...but he is good.

"All we are in the gutter but some of us are looking at star"

How long haven't you looked at sky...??
I know i have not done it for long time.
Maybe it's time for me to take a peek.

你覺得一個人能夠給別人最珍貴的禮物是什麼？

2007-11-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

I got this from an email sent to me by a friend.
It's really deep in some way......

「你覺得一個人能夠給別人最珍貴的禮物是什麼？」這是我在紐西蘭採訪時，同行一位美麗女子問我的問題，我覺得這問題很有意思，於是，也拿它問了許多人。

答案林林種種，很有趣，包括：『真心、讚美、誠意、體貼、智慧、尊重、包容、感情、愛、關懷....等等』而我印象最深刻的答案是，問我問題的那位美麗女子說的兩個字：
"時間"

好友失戀了，為了療傷止痛，我們一群手帕交陪她逛街買東西，企圖轉移她的注意力。一個星期後，其中某位知己對她說：「妳應該把帳單全部寄給他，要他還錢。」
為什麼？」她問。「分手費啊！」她嘆了口氣說：「他還不起的，因為我把最好的時間給了他。」

有個過了適婚年齡的朋友，天天埋頭工作，他的家人心急的不得了，四處安排他相親，不停幫他介紹女朋友，但似乎沒什麼眉目。我問他：「你到底喜歡什麼樣的？說個條件，別人好幫你留意。」他想了想說：「我想找個我願意把時間花在她身上的人。」

一位被愛擊傷的女孩，多年來始終不曾打開心門，讓愛再生。旁人一直以為她等的是曾經滄海的他，可是，當他回過頭想與她再續前緣時，她卻不給他機會，拒絕了他。她說：「我不是忘不了他，我捨不得的是從前相戀的那段時間，但我們回不到過去了。」

「時間無涯的荒野裡，沒有早一步，也沒有晚一步，剛巧趕上了！」

這是張愛玲的名句恨早或恨晚的愛情，都是一種遺憾，都只能錯過。只有在對的時間，愛情的樣子才能美麗。找個願意把時間花在他身上的人；珍惜一個願意花時間在妳身上的人；把握每一個願意為妳下心力的人最珍貴的禮物，是願意給愛的人自己的時間。

再多的感情、再多的尊重、再多的愛，都比不上有時間陪一個你想要陪的人...

Being old.......

2007-10-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

I think I am old......
I don't have the strenth for party anymore.......
I don't want to travel anymore........
Guess this is being old.......or......tired.......
Why my bb is not with me?
Don't have power for everything now.......

Business Trip to China

2007-10-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

I finally got back from China after 12 days.
I have to say.....this time I really hate it.
First, I was pimping for my bosses for 12 days.
And then I have to go nite club for twice......even I told my baby she still pissed at me.
I understand how girls hate this kind of stuff but I have something to say about it.
1. I did not want to go at first place because I am tired for this kind of life. I was in nite club like everyday when I was young. But now i am really tired of it.
2. It's for business only. I know it's hard for people to understand why we have to go that kind of place. But everyone (or every man) has to admit once u had drinks and girls around, it is easy to get lossen. Then business start from there.
3. I don't care how many girls were in the room. The girl i care is not in that room so i don't give a shit how many girls will be around.
4. I drank a lot but i get back room ok. I did not get drunk.
5. If i really want to do something I can lie at first place. Why i told my baby that i am going because i don't want her to get the wrong idea. But guess i am wrong to be honest.
6. Please don't be mad.......

Anyone?

2007-10-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

This is the phone call happened somewhere in China........

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone).
And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident.
Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital.
Right now, Avery Wan (everyone)is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Shows

2007-10-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

According to our company..we need to reach at least 1.5 million by next year.
So we are doing a lot shows now.
October--I will be in China for at least 10 days.
Nov.--Corolado 6 days. Tenessee 6 days.
Dec.--SC 5 days.
Jan.--Dallas 7 days. Chicago 7 days.
Feb.--Alaska 5 days.
March--Las Vegas 5 days.
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Feel like i am too old for this.
Wish I was in my 20th.

Smart Ass III

2007-09-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

After long long time I am finally putting out the smart ass III.
This time we will talk it as serious issue and how smart ass can be related to marketing.

According to Bakhtim (I forgot the first name), there are two laughter.
1--called Productive Laughter: Yes/No type. Using the logic to prove the point and make new meaning during laugh.
2--called Destractive Layghter: Using it agnst the rule and make point.

No matter which, it can all be used in marketing.

There are few points for smart ass starter:

1, Twist or paradox. This is like KUSO (Japanese). Use all the smartest way to do the most stupid thing. Like how to make the prettest shit from ur own ass. It can lead customers into the area where they want to see how bad is it gonna be.

2, Contrast. Do you remember the HK guy in American Idol. I think his name is William Con. He is the best case for this. After the worst proform in the history he said "I have tried my best". What can it do more to make everyone remember him?

3, Take the self area to public. Everyone likes to see others' private area. That's how we do to all these stars.

4, Observation. You see more u have more to point out.

5, Norm or standard. Make a new standard before others or stay norm. When computer first start 20 years no one knows it will be like now. Email is a joke by then. Make new point is never a bad thing for smart ass.

I was reading a news about how to sell stuff and this jumps out in my mind so i decided to write something about it.
Hope u won't beat me up for not funny on this one.

Nice one...........

2007-09-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

敬啟者，您好：去年我把「男友5.0版」升級到「老公1.0版」之後，發現系統的整體效能變差了，尤其是「送花」及「珠寶」功能，這兩個功能本來在「男友5.0」一點問題都沒有。除此之外，「老公1.0」也把原來好用的軟體殺掉了，例「羅漫蒂克9.5」及「關懷6.5 」，取而代之的是「世界杯足球賽5.0」、「世界杯籃球賽3.0」和「高爾夫俱樂部4.1」。「談心8.0」也無法執行，還有，每當我要執行「打掃屋子 2.6 」，整個系統就當機，我試著用「嘮叨 5.3」，但都沒辦法解決。請問我該怎麼辦？

心急人
*****************************************

親愛的「心急人」首先要提醒您的是，「男友5.0」是娛樂軟體套件，而「老公1.0」是作業系統。您可以在流覽器上方的網址列輸入：http:我以為你愛我.htm ，試著下載「流淚6.2 」，也別忘了下載「罪惡感3.0」的更新檔案。如果上述軟體可以執行的話，那麼「老公1.0」應該就會自動執行「珠寶2.0」和「送花3.5 」了。但要注意的是，過度使用上述功能，會造成「老公 1.0」自動執行「發脾氣 2.5」、「流連酒吧 7.0」和「啤酒6.1」。「啤酒 6.1」是個很不好用的軟體，它會自動上網去下載一個叫做「鼾聲如雷」的測試版。還有，無論如何，千萬別安裝「婆婆1.0 」（它是一種病毒，發作時會佔用妳的作業系統全部資源）
另外，不要嘗試重新安裝「男友5.0」，我們並不支援這套軟體，同時它和「老公1.0 」不相容，會造成不可預期的錯誤訊息。總結來說，「老公1.0 」是個非常棒的軟體，但受到記憶體的限制，它無法在短時內學習新的功能。
您或許可以考慮購買另外一套外掛程式，以增加記憶體和增進系統效能。我們建議「美食3.0 」或「性感內衣7.7」.
祝好運
技術支援中心

Life Backwards

2007-09-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

Life Backwards

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get k icked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...

You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Aspects of the second richest man in the world.

2007-08-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

There was a one-hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1.He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late! I'd think the same since i will have more if i knew i'd hit the jack pot.

2.He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers. how much was the housing? delivering newspaper?

3.He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence. but i bet he owns the entire block or half the mid-town.

4.He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him. good chance.....let's go....opps did i said it out loud???

5.He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company. why weast money on that?first class good enough.

6.His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules.
Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money.
Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1. um.....rule #3.....especially do not lose mine.

7.He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television. sounds......nerdy. and i am not talk about jen and mayumi. they are cool kids.

8.Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet. wow........talktive nerds. and again not jen and mayumi.

9.Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone,nor has a computer on his desk. how can he commnicate with others? send them the birds that carries letter. i guess when u are that rich u don't need to talk to others anymore.
His advice to young people:"Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:
A.Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.
B.Live your life as simple as you are.
C.Don't do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good.
D.Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which u feel comfortable.
E.Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really in need rather.
F.After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule our life.
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I guess i will never be Warren Buffet but i am happey with who i am.
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However little bit more money won't hurt.

Summer is gone.

2007-08-31T10:20:00.001-07:00

Summer is gone.
Getting colder now......and my bb is away.
Making me freaking sad and tired.
I am not the one used to be.....
Life sucks sometime....or most of time.
Guess i am too tired.

Next life

2007-08-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

What would u want to be if u can choose for ur next life?

After bb left....I'd want the same life happen to me again....so I can meet my bb once again.
It's a hard process so far but I'd not regard it.

Driving in Vancover

2007-08-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

Vancover is a wierd place where u can see so many nice cars and so many dumb drivers at once.
With a sucking city planning, driving in Vancover makes me mad.
there is no turnning line in the middle, so every time someone tried to make a turn then it mean stuck for the whole damn road.
Drivers are not using signal lights at all.
No wonder insurance is expensive there.

I saw a truck with trailer making u-turn on Hwy#1. It was a sign.
I almost stopped to ask that guy--"did ur mom knows u are retarded when she gave birth to you?" " or ur retardness is caused by some other reason?" "I'd like to put u in the zoo so ppl can take a look of what's stupid"........................

Really don't get what Canadian is up to.....they have huge land but they build their road like there is only two cars every day.
Who made the road plan for them should burn in hell.

Success.................

2007-08-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

At age 4, success is...not peeing your pants.
在4歲時，成功就是不會尿在褲子上

At age 12, success is........having friends.
在12歲時，成功就是有朋友圍繞

At age 20, success is...........having sex.
在20歲時，成功就是擁有性生活

At age 35, success is..........making money.
在35歲時，成功就是賺大錢

At age 60, success is............having sex.
在60歲時，成功就是擁有性生活

At age 70, succes s is.........having friends.
在70歲時，成功就是有朋友圍繞

At age 80, success is..not peeing your pants.
在80歲時，成功就是不會尿在褲子上

Homeless Ppl

2007-08-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

There is a store on a very busy street and there are many homeless ppl there asking this store for food.
One day there is a hobo comes in and ask the owner for toothpick.
the owner is kinda curious about the use of it but he hives him anyway.

After 5 mins there comes the other one ask for toothpick again.
The owner gets more curious but he gives him anyway.

After 5 more mins there comes in the third one.
Before the hobo said anything the owner asks: u want toothpick as well?
The hobo: no....there was someone throwed up on the street but the food already got picked by other two..........
.........so.........can i have a straw?

I know may of u are going to say it's gross.
But it's funny.
Go tell to others while they are eating then.

Back to office

2007-07-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

Finally made though one more season and get back to office.
So.........tired.
And my baby is leaving to other place soon...........
Two years...it's a long time.
But I will make it though.
I know i will.

Summer

2007-06-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's June...
What the hell happened to global warming????
I't so cold and raining all the f^*%#^&@ing day!!!!
I am going to burn more CO2 into the air.
Summer....Summer...Summer....summer........summer...........
Where the hell are you????????????????????????????

Passion

2007-06-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

There are an old couple who have been together for long time.
One day the old lady told old man "honey, we seen to lose our passion to each other and i think we should find some way to bring it back"
The old man thought a way to do so.
He suggests that they spent the whole day naked as they were young.
In the morning when they were about to have breakfast together the old lady said
"Honey, I think this is working because i can feel the heat in my nipples."
The old man moved up his head looked at the lady and said...
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"Honey, it's because your nipples are in the coffee"

Sad................................................................................

Busy season

2007-06-07T16:32:00.000-07:00

As many of my friends know that I am working at a wholesale company that selling fireworks and other stuff.
July 4th is coming so we are super busy now with all the fireworks sale and shipping.
Have not got chance to update my blog for long time but will try to do it soon.
I miss the smart ass action.......

Here is a joke for now--
There are three guys who are good friends with each other and they went to a party together and all three got a lady home.
The next day they are trying to show their abilities to others.

A:I was doing it for 1 hour last nite....

B:I was doing it for good 2 and half hours.....

C: It took me 6 seconds.......

A & B turn to look and C and laugh at him the C says slowly....
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C:Only to shoot!!

If you can understand this joke then good for you.
You are in the college leavel for this kind of joke.

To see others die....

2007-05-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

Guess i am the living one....since i just saw others die.
One of my relatives just past away yesterday.
She was my drinking buddy......hope she will be better in the haven.
It's kinda wired for me....she was only at her early 40s.

Life is short.
When we were young, we believe that we can do anything (at least i was thinking like that).
As i getting older....life itself started to change.I am not live as i planed.I became "adult".
Working...eating...sleeping...don't remember since when i lost passion for many stuff.
Maybe this is life.

Hope someday I will have the passion back.
Let's live like there is no tomorrow.

Die

2007-05-22T09:32:00.001-07:00

As we saw on Jen's blog...."friend see others die".
I'd liek to ask anyone here.....do u reather be the one die or u want to be the one seeing?
Hard question....
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makes u think.....
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what should i eat later?

DREAM...

2007-05-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

Had a dream........nice.
We are on the deach with great weather and sun.
Two of us.
Makes me sad when weaking up...

Did moon said "good night" to you for me last night?
Love you ne~~

史上最噁心八大笑話

2007-05-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

史上最噁心八大笑話---看你能忍到第幾個!

一、偶小時侯吃飯不老實,一老農為了教育我,對我說:六零年苦呀,沒飯吃,摳出來的鼻屎從來不扔的.

二、有個富豪找傭人,面試的題目是上廁所,前幾個上完後都沒有洗手就出來了,富豪因此把他們打發走了,只有一個洗了手,於是富豪留下了他.可是有一天,富豪卻發現他沒有洗手就出來了,富豪問他是為什麼? 傭人答到:?#20598;今天帶了手紙...?

三、一個男子看見一家商店大減價，便走了進去。?#24744;買些什麼？?我想買狗食。?br>?#25105;們有規定，您必須證明您有狗。?br>?#21738;兒有這樣的規定？?減價商品就是這樣。?#30007;子與售貨員磨了半天，售貨員還是不同意賣給他。沒有辦法，男子只好回家把狗帶來，才買到了狗食。過了幾天，男子 ;又去這家商店買貓食。?#32102;我兩盒貓食。?我們有規定，您必須證明您有貓。?#36996;是那個售貨員，男子又與她磨蹭了半天，結果還是不得不回家把貓帶來才買到了貓食。又過了幾天，男子抱著挖有一個洞的大紙箱來到那家商店，找到那個售貨員。?#24744;買些什麼？?br>?#20320;把手伸進去就知道。 ?#21806;貨員把手伸了進去：?#26159;什麼呀，粘乎乎的。?我想買兩卷兒手紙。?

四、有個人去帶著朋友去探望他的外婆。當他和外婆說話時，他的朋友開始吃著咖啡桌上放的花生，把花生都吃完了。當他們離開時，他的朋友對外婆說：「謝謝您的花生」外婆回應說「喔！嗯！唉！自從我牙齒掉光後，我就只能吸掉它們外層的巧克力而已。老了，咳。。。& #20116;、

5. 有人很喜歡?#40635;辣粉絲煲?#36889;道菜。有一次，他上飯館，又點了這道菜。但侍者告訴他，這道菜已經賣完了。?#30495;的賣完了嗎？?#20182;很失望地問。?#20808;生，真的賣完了。你瞧，最後一份賣給那桌的先生了。?#20365;者回答道。那人順著侍者的指點，看見有個很體面的紳士坐在鄰座。紳士的飯 3756;已經吃得差不多了，但那份?#40635;辣粉絲煲?#23621;然還是滿滿的。那人覺得紳士很浪費美味，所以他走到紳士旁邊，指著那份?#40635;辣粉絲煲?#65292;很有禮貌地問：?#20808;生，您這還要嗎？?br>紳士很有風度地搖搖頭。於是那人立刻坐下，拿起調羹狼吞虎嚥起來。風捲殘雲，一會兒一半下肚了，突然ž 91;他發現在砂鍋底躺著一隻很小很小但皮毛已長全的小老鼠。一陣噁心，那人把吃下去的所有粉絲通通吐回了砂鍋裏。當他在那兒翻胃不已的時候，那紳士用很同情的眼光看著他，說：?#24456;噁心是嗎？剛才我也是這樣??

六、這天，酒店老闆正在大廳巡視。來了一乞丐上前說道：?#32769;闆給個牙籤行嗎？?br>老闆給他一個打發走了。一會兒，又來一個乞丐，也是來要牙籤的。老闆心想現在這乞丐怎麼不要飯改要牙籤了？也同樣給他一個打發走了，沒過多舊，又來一個乞丐。老闆對他說：?#20320;也是來要牙&# 31844;的嗎？?#20062;丐說：?#26377;個人吐了，可我晚了一步，已經被前面兩個乞丐把能吃的都吃了，現在只剩下湯了。你能給我個吸管嗎

七、老大、老二乘坐飛機，老二暈機，不停嘔吐。一袋吐滿，老大只好去取袋子，等他回來時，發覺全機人都在不停嘔吐。老大問其原因，老二說：?#25105;看到這只袋子也吐滿了，只好又喝進去了半袋，結果他們就全吐了。?　

如果您看到現在還沒吐的話，那我不得不承認你是個高手& #65292;那我要出絕招了---

八、必殺技----- 　　有一天，老大和老二又去戲院看戲，看到中途二人為情節發展而爭執起來，並為此打賭。老大指著前邊擺的一排痰盂說：?#36664;的人要喝一口那裏邊的東西。?#19981;幸，老大輸了，於是老大皺著眉頭喝了一口。二人接著賭下邊的情節，這次，老二輸了。只見老二抱起一個痰盂，咕Ø 58;咕咚連喝了十五大口。老大大驚失色，佩服的五體投地，對老二說?#20320;太了不起了，居然能連喝十五大口！?br>老二搖搖頭，?#19981;是我想喝，那個痰盂裏的痰太濃，我實在咬不斷

Begining of Life

2007-05-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

This is what I got from an email.
It's not bad to take a look.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Words Women Use

2007-05-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

Some of you might see it already but why not remind yourself one more time......

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (If you don't then there is a "whatever" coming)

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (sad....)

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine" (when women say Nothing...all the men better watch their back in case there is a knife coming and we are just too dumb to see it)

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. (and there is always a dumb ass took it as permission)

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing" (um.....men are animals and women like pets. no wonder they will be together)

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (that's never ok....wait for your turn....it will come)

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome. (and don't over reacted)

WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU! (so....shut up now)

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

Smart Ass III

2007-05-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

Afetr so many people have called in for more....
Now Walnut Brother has finally put out the new "Smart Ass III"
The all new stong cases for this edtion.
According--
Cody: The smart ass.
Jen: The hot chick.
Karen: The shorty.
Miki: The one is not in this picture yet.
Rebeca: The person walking in the back ground.
Johnson: Side kick who always singing "love me don't go......"

All sotry started when the smart ass met the hot chick.
And they have reaise a shorty--who got drunk all the time!!
While the one is not in picture...and still not in so far..... and there is a person walking in the back ground....kinda lost.....!!
And here comes the side kick who keep singing "love me don't go..".....kinda annoying at same time.

It's based on ture story.
Romantic, Historical, War, Family.......none of these will be in the picture.

Man......guess i am way too bored.
This is sad...........
I should try to get something to do soon.....

WALALA Seattle

2007-05-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

WALALA~~~

Nice day today and sun finally comes out in Seattle.
If it took little longer then I might start to grow mushrooms.

Too bad I have to work....otherwise it'd be nice to spend time with my baby~~

WALALALALA~~~feel like dancing~~~

I love summer in Seattle~~~~~

Friendship

2007-05-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

There are so many people in the world that u thinbk u can trust but they turned u down.
I wonder what's in these people's mind?
Are they born as a-hole or just be trained this way.
It's harder for people to trust each other nowaday because we have all met some a-holes in our life.
Friendship is hard but some people just don't take it serious.
Too bad.........

This post is not organized since i am too piss to think.
Hope all the a-holes will get their turns soon.

If nite could sing.....

2007-05-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

Always wonder....if nite could sing....what kind of songs would that be??
Would it be nice if nite could sing???Then maybe all the lonely souls can be saved.
Or it would be too noisy?

If nite could sing..............

Booster

2007-05-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

This coming month WA state is going to ask all kids under 4.9 feet have to take booster seat while in the car.
The first thought jumped to my mind is that "how about short adult?".
Then the second thought jumped to my mind is that "um...I have to warn Karen...!!!"
WAHAHAHA~~~~~
Don't mind me......it's too early in the morning.
Guess I am still sleeping.

Tired

2007-04-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

The past weekend was crazy for me.....
Went clubing till 1:30AM on Friday and woke up 5:30AM the next day to do the trade show for whole day.
Got back at 7:30PM and then had a business meeting with someone from LA till 11:30PM.
And woke up at 6:00AM again for the second day show.

To Karen--It's all because of you!!!!!!!!

To Jen--I love you.

To Rebeca--Thank you for bring Jackey.

To Miki--Too bad u are not here.

To me--you are too old. Stop this kind of S!#T.......!!
This is going to get u killed......
Too tired.

Smart Ass II

2007-04-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to thank everyone who post common on the Smart Ass I.
Since it was such a bog hit.........I am here to announce the big new........Smart Ass II is comign on the way.
It is written by Cody-the so called smart ass.
All the media have their best review of it.

"...Two thumbs up.."--New Yake Times
"....best saying in the show..." --Well St. Paper
".....%&*$# $#%&& !@*&^%$........" --Seattle Arabic Times
"......HO KANERNO LALAICHI MAY MAY YA BO....." --African News

Tatoo

2007-04-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Want to get a new tatoo but still thinking of the design.
Tatoo is a weird act....it's painful...but after u got the first done.....u want more.
Maybe it's like SM....pain and good at same time.

Smart-Ass

2007-04-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

People might think I am a smart-ass (in fact...I am), but one thing they don't know is that being a smart-ass takes a lot of hard working and skills.

First, smart-ass has to be smart.People don't call "smart"-ass for no reason.
A smart-ass has to be fast reacted.When people say something, a smart-ass has to think of a way to make fun for it.It takes time and skill for that matter.

Second, smart-ass has to have an ass. Sounds simple...but not many can do.In this case....ass means the part of personality.Most people are trying to be funny...but they don't know how.In that case, it will be an ass not smart-ass.People with so-called ass personality can seek the chance to make fun of people.And only thing in their mind is that "um....this sounds interesting...how can I cut in to make fun of it". While they are having conversation with others, they are not really talking..they are waitting. Waitting for the chance to jump in and joke it.

Third, smart-ass has to read a lot. It's a must. So we can find all the stuff to make fun with.But we are usually bad student in class.Since making fun of teacher is not going to help the grade but being the target of eraser while teacher having the target aimming practice.

That's all for now.If you have any questions plesae feel free to left a common.I might get back to you with a smart-ass reply.

Thank you all and have a nice day.

Unforgiving act

2007-04-17T16:37:00.000-07:00

Have u ever walked pass someone and smell the bad stuff??
That is soooooo gross!!!!
How can people fart in public and pretend they did not do it!!?
I was walking next to the guy...and he looked at me like he did nothing wrong.
I almost put the stick up into the place that gross smell comes from.
And most amazing part is that they fart while walking.....man.....that's too much.
Hope they push it too strong and the s&#t comes right out with the air.
That'd be fun to watch.
Everyone would yell "S#&T in the Pant".."Watch Out...S#&T Man Walking"...!!