Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Cows and Companies
Cows and Companies
Traditional company:
You have two cows.
You sold one and get one male to produce more cows and sell those cows and retired.
US company:
You have two cows.
You sold one and make the other one works double time.
When the cow dies you feel so surprised and ask why.
French company:
You have two cows.
You went on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese company:
You have two cows.
You redesign them.
They are 1/10 the size but produce the same amount of milk.
You put it on cartoon name it “Cowkimon” and sell to the world.
German company:
You have two cows.
You engineered it.
It eats twice a year and produce 10 times the milk.
And they can milk themselves.
British company:
You have two cows.
They are all crazy.
Italian company:
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are.
You go on lunch.
Russian company:
You have two cows.
You count them and there are 48 cows.
You recount again and there are 23 cows.
You count the third time and there are 12 cows.
You got frustrated so you open the 3rd bottle of vodka.
Swedish company:
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belongs to you.
You manage others cows and charge them for that.
Chinese company:
You have two cows.
But there are 300 people milking them.
You announce employee rate production is 10 times better than others.
And you arrest the reporters who tell the truth.
Indian company:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
Traditional company:
You have two cows.
You sold one and get one male to produce more cows and sell those cows and retired.
US company:
You have two cows.
You sold one and make the other one works double time.
When the cow dies you feel so surprised and ask why.
French company:
You have two cows.
You went on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese company:
You have two cows.
You redesign them.
They are 1/10 the size but produce the same amount of milk.
You put it on cartoon name it “Cowkimon” and sell to the world.
German company:
You have two cows.
You engineered it.
It eats twice a year and produce 10 times the milk.
And they can milk themselves.
British company:
You have two cows.
They are all crazy.
Italian company:
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are.
You go on lunch.
Russian company:
You have two cows.
You count them and there are 48 cows.
You recount again and there are 23 cows.
You count the third time and there are 12 cows.
You got frustrated so you open the 3rd bottle of vodka.
Swedish company:
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belongs to you.
You manage others cows and charge them for that.
Chinese company:
You have two cows.
But there are 300 people milking them.
You announce employee rate production is 10 times better than others.
And you arrest the reporters who tell the truth.
Indian company:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Difference Between Women and Men
Difference Between Women And Men
1.NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.
10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
1.NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.
10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Happy Holiday!!
Eating Tips for the Holidays.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an 'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert -- Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body.
But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!"
Happy Holidays!
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an 'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert -- Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body.
But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!"
Happy Holidays!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Success
The COO of Ritz-Carlton--Horst Schulze has said: Success is what you do today, not the goal for future.
I am not happy with my current situation but I guess I will have to hand in here.
Am I a successful person.......I guess I still have long way to go.
Life sucks............!!
I will try to be the one looking at starts.
Man.......I need long vocation.
I am not happy with my current situation but I guess I will have to hand in here.
Am I a successful person.......I guess I still have long way to go.
Life sucks............!!
I will try to be the one looking at starts.
Man.......I need long vocation.
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